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6月17日 Stripped
S.T.R.I.P.P.E.D. As you can guess by the title, and your dirty minds, its going to be something different today. I listen to my commenters and one of them said, "I wish there was more about who you are", *stop checking the comment boxes to find out who!!* As per his/her request you wanna know me......this is me...stripped...*stop tinkin' dirty* My current exsistence: I wake up each day at approximately 6:00 a.m. shut the alarm clock off, go back to bed to wake up promptly at 6:30 to then again fall asleep and FINALLY awake BRIGHT n EARLY at 7:00 to have a shower, get dressed, and proceed to work. I then head out, running for the bus as usual without giving the slightest thought of breakfast. I then catch the bus to get off and take another bus which always feels the need to arrive 5 mins late, testing my patience. I finally arrive downtown just within seconds to catch the final bus to work. Arriving accurately, not too early and not too late at 8:30 at which i start my day till 12 when i grab my lack of lunch- applesauce, fruit cup (that reminds me) *goes in bag n eats fruit cup*, and a juice. You ask where is the rest of my lunch? There isnt any REST. In order to pave my way through college, sacrifices have to be made, even if it means my lack of nutrition. (sad, i kno) Then at 1 i return to my redundant work till i leave at 4:25 to catch a bus heading home. Then i have to wait for the bus going East to then catch MY BUS headin, finally HOME. When i arrive home i watch whatever is left of Ellen, watch Just for Laugh Gags to relieviate the stress and finally watch the News and eat whatever scraps of food i may find. I then proceed to blog and check the comments people may leave just put that extra bounce in my step for when i later watch some more tv. (tv junkie i know). And when this is all done, i go to my bed to start it all over again. This process will be repeated till the end of August. :) Weekends i work at Canadian Tire to deal with inpatient customers and to be treated like i'm 12 yrs old just because i 'look' it. I never get a day off and I never will till school starts. When i do return to school I will have to pull some more 90's out of my @ss just to get my diploma and graduate. Then after that hopefully i'll get a good full-time job and maybe start a new life. A life that will not only provide for me but my family. (startin to tear up) We dont ask for much in life, but just happiness. Love is unseen but given, unspoken but heard, but its always there. My state of being: Right now is not very well. The last "doctor appointment" was i guess you could say a 'priorety'. I probably have a tumor in my head but couldnt care less about getting my head scanned. Probably going to have heart failure soon but couldnt care if it was detected. Probably going to have a punctured lung soon, couldnt care. (stop bulgin your eyes) My mom always says, "Why and how are you still alive?" my reply, "I dont know, i ask myself the same question" I just take one step at a time, and i dont worry about things such as my heart, lungs, or my brain. Because there is no reason to. If i spent my whole life worrying, do you know how much time that would take up?! Doctors appointments: 2 hours every time, Medication: months of my life, Stress: everyday. Why would i worry about that when i can worry about.. is my mother happy? is she truly happy? am i making a difference in my brothers life? how can i bring find someone for my mom that can make her happy? how can i put a smile on that person's face today? how can i help? I'd rather care about someone else than take care of myself. I'd rather sacrifice my own health, my own well-being, my heart and soul into seeing someone enjoy their life. I dont party on weekends even though people ask me, i'm too tired, may have a few drinks now and then, but cant get drunk, i have responsibilities. I grew up way too fast without a childhood, i went from child to adult. I've had to take care of myself for 10 years of my life and i'm not going to stop now. Here's my hidden dilemma: For 3 years i've known someone who has no flaws. I've tried laydees and this guy has nothing that i find that would turn me off. NOTHING. I've been there for him, listened to him talk about people he's liked even to the point that 7 hours have passed by. And to know that i cant have him because i choose NOT TO. now that is love. (stop askin why, i'll tell ya!) To have love not put another crack in my heart i'd rather stay friends with love. I've loved and been betrayed by love. Love is a lie that only the heart cant see. When someone says they love you, investigate. Love isnt a game. Some of us spend seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and maybe in years feeling love only to know the love you had wasnt love at all, but a monster in disguise. Then when you think you've found love, love wont take you. Life isnt fair indeed. At night if i may feel the need i write in what i call "My Book Of Thoughts" (diary if u may), *why you may ask?* Because its the only object that will listen to what i have to say without sheer prejudice, judgement and redicule. It can hold more secrets than any human can. This is me stripped, my half told tale of the life i lead behind the smile. :) So, instead of me parading with a dark cloud over my head, i'm going to continue smiling and live my life to the day i take my very last breath. G'morn, G'aftanoon n G'nite  
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